I was teaching a class to correction officers today, about pepper spray of all things, when a lady in class said, “Do you know Horowitz is a Jew?”
How she didn’t know Horowitz was Jewish name, and what this had to do with pepper spray, was beyond me. But then she said, and I’m not making this up, “But Horowitz is not really Jewish. I mean ‘Jeweyism’ is a religion, not a race. His family is Polish. I mean, he said he doesn’t eat pork because he’s Jewish. So I said, You don’t eat polish sausages? But you’re Polish. And he said, ‘No, I’m Jewish.’ Then I found out that there’s Italian-Jews, American-Jews and Middle East-Jews. I mean those Jews in Israel? They’ve only been there like 50 years. So I don’t know how there’s Jews all over the world when they’ve only been a country for 50 years.”
Then she said, “And you know those Jews that were in the Holocaust? They were actually Polish.”
That’s when I said, “Please don’t ever say that out loud again.”
“Why?” she said.
“Because it makes you sound dumb.”
“Just because I don’t know something doesn’t make me dumb,” she said and then continued to tell us everything else she didn’t know about Jews.
“I mean how am I supposed to know that Polish people are Jews? Did you know that they say Jesus is a Jew? But he’s really not. He’s from Iran or something like that. I’m a Christian and I didn’t even know that until recently,” she said.
“And did you know that Jews don’t even believe in Jesus? I mean, if he’s a Jew how can they not believe in him?”
“Because Judaism, only believes in the Old Testament,” I said. I wasn’t even going to try to explain the Torah at this point.
“What? Well that’s where all the dumb stories are,” she said. That just doesn’t make any sense.”
“This whole conversation doesn’t make any sense.” I said. “You need to do some research before you ever talk about Jews again. Now, back to pepper spray.”