Soundtracks can make or break a movie. They can also make a scene scary or serene. Don’t you love when you’re watching a movie and an, “Oldie but goodie,” comes on? From My Girl to My Little Deuce Coupe, certain songs just make the moment. Don’t you wish you could, at any, moment flip on a song in your life that would perfectly describe the situation your in? Well now you can!
We here at Music For Life, an affiliate of Diet For Life, would like to introduce the:
LIFE’S SOUNDTRACK MACHINE!
The Life’s Soundtrack Machine—or LSM, is a portable machine that you can take with you to enhance the environment you’re in. This machine is similar to an iPod, but instead of loading the device with music, the LSM picks songs to match the situation or mood you’re in. And unlike the other devices where you listen to it by yourself, with a LSM everyone around you can hear the music too, so no situation is boring because you’ll always have music in your life.
Here are some everyday situations where a LSM can enhance your life:
Let’s say you’re walking down the street, you’re in a good mood. All of a sudden you hear—“I’M WALKIN’, YA SEEMS TO ME, I’M A TALKIN’, FEEL GOOD TO ME, I’M WALKIN…” or if you’re a Johnny Cash fan you’ll hear, “BECAUSE YOU’RE MINE, I WALK THE LINE…” With a LSM, you get to look cool and let everyone know you’re in a good mood at the same time.
With a LSM everyday chores can be more fun. When you’re at the grocery store and you’re looking around the cheese counter, the old commercial that you didn’t even remember pops on: “I HANKER’ FOR A HUNK OF, A SLAB, A SLICE OR CHUNK OF, I HANKER FOR A HUNK OF CHEEEESE!” You’ll think, “Wow! That’s kind of cool. I haven’t thought about that in years.”
Life’s Soundtrack Machine can also make conversations with your boring friends so much more bearable. Let’s say they’re over there droning on and on, and as your eyes begin to glaze over, all of a sudden you’ll both hear: “ALL THE LEAVES ARE BROOOWN AND THE SKY IS GRAAAY, CALIFORNIA DRREEAMIN’, ON SUCH A WINTER’S DAAAYY!” This lets them know they should either change the topic or shut-the-hell-up.
There are a few glitches we haven’t worked out yet. Some of these situations include things like being introduced to an attractive person of the opposite sex for the first time and 2 Live Crew’s, “LICK MY BOOTY, UP AND DOWN! LICK IT TILL YOUR TONGUE TURNS DOO DOO BROWN! DOO DOO BROWN! DOO DOO BROWN!” comes on. But don’t worry about that, we’re working on it. Our engineers have been making headway and this should only happen about every third time.
How about when your boss is yelling at you? Can imagine the look on his face when the song comes on? “TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT, I AIN’T WORKIN’ A HERE NO MORE.” Or if you don’t want to quit, how about, “ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DIED, DIED! ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DIED, DIED!”?
We’re really not trying to fix that one. We think the boss should know how you really feel, but we have thought of a good excuse. Just say, “Oops, I’m sorry that’s supposed to be Frank Sinatra’s, I did it my way!”
It is also advised that if you are having an affair with your sister or brother in-law, that the two of you not be in the same room at the same time or “SECRET LOOOVERS, YEAH, THAT’S WHAT WE ARE, TRYING HARD TO HIDE THE WAAAY WE FEEL” comes on.
We here at Music For Life feel that these small inconveniences do not outweigh the benefits of our product. Imagine the hours of fun and enjoyment you’ll have with this life enhancing product.
The Life’s Soundtrack Machine is available for three easy payments of $999.95. With all the hours of enjoyment you’ll have with LSM that breaks down to just pennies an hour. If you like, we can bill this to your credit card monthly over a three month period.
Customers may experience a little embarrassment with LSM at the beginning. Once you get over a few awkward moments, we are so sure that you’ll love LSM, that at this time we are not going to offer a money back guarantee. But don’t let that stop you from ordering because, WAIT THERE’S MORE!
If you call right now to order LSM you also get, TELL’EM WHAT YOU REALLY THINK! Tell’em What You Really Think is much like the Life’s Soundtrack Machine and functions much the same way.
Have you ever left a party and thought, Damn! I wish I would have had the courage to Jane how I felt about her? Or how about when you’ve had bad service at a store or restaurant and thought, Wow I wish I would have told that pushy sales person off? We’ll now you can without looking like the bad guy. You can always say, “Sorry it’s just my TWYRT” Or “Twirdy” as we like to say around here.
So pick up the phone and call now. Operators are standing by. With LSM and a Twirdy you’ll be the coolest kid on the block, and one who lets people know what’s really on his mind.