Tall Tales

Posted by dwallace on April 14, 2011 in Tall Tales |

Sometimes when you’re as tall as I am, people say things that they think are clever, but really, it’s just annoying. Things like, “How’s the weather up there?” Or a slight variation of that, “How’s the view?”

Neither of those statements are funny when you’ve heard it at least twice a day for twenty straight years. I really want to spit my coffee all over these people and say, “It’s a torrential downpour,” but I don’t. I usually give a fake laugh and say, “Never heard that one before.”

Sometimes people are naive enough to say, “You haven’t?”

And I say, “Well, it’s the first for the day,” and I leave them standing in their stupidity.

One thing that’s hard about being tall is dating. The first question that any woman asks me, even before they ask for my name is, “How tall are you?”

“6’10” I say.

“Ewwww, that’s tall. You know what they say about tall guys,”

“They have knee and back problems?” I

“No silly—That they’ve got big…you know?”

I’ve had the same conversation with 100’s of girls and it usually stops right there because I don’t dare tell them about the Irish curse. This is the main reason I looked into an elective height reduction surgery.

“What?” you might be saying, “I know you, you’re not 6’10”.”

And I’d say, “Not anymore buddy. Not anymore.”


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