I want an Avatar
I finally watched Avatar last night. The plot line is the age old story of imperialists come to conquer the indigenous people because they are sitting on something the imperialists want.
This time the mineral the imperialists want is called Unatainium—good play on words James Cameron. Of course this mineral is directly below the indigenous people’s most holy tree. The imperialists don’t care. Let the ass-kicking begin.
If you haven’t watched it, you have to see it in 3D. It costs a few bucks more to see the 3D version. This is not the time to be a tight wad. If you can’t afford the three extra dollars, then go next week when you can.
Here’s the trailer:
Geeks and Nerds vs. Jocks
I wasn’t a Nerd or Geek in high school. I wasn’t a considered a Jock either since I didn’t play sports. I think I was more of a Slacker, but I totally consider myself a Geek now and John Hodgman is my hero. This is his roast of President Obama.
Moses the Holy Cow
If you haven’t heard, this week a Connecticut dairy farmer named Brad Davis found one of his newborn calves had a cross in the middle of his forehead. This someone caused a media blitz about “Moses-the Holy Cow.”
If you happened to have seen a picture of Moses, you’ll notice that it’s not even that a good cross. I mean, if it were a tattoo on my shoulder, I’d be kicking the shit out of the tattoo artist.
I’m always amazed that people claim to see things that are there, but only kind of, and then actually call the news media to come look at it. Then when them media gets out there, instead of saying, “That shit doesn’t look like a cross,” they actually air the story. “Well we’re already here,” the reporter says, “might as well get some footage of this piece of French toast that looks like Jesus.”
What I want to know is, would anyone drive out to film that same piece of image-burned French toast if the person calling said, “Quick! You gotta get out here. I’ve got a picture of the Zig Zag Man burned into my bread.”?
Here’s a link if you need more,
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/34352408/ns/today-today_pets_and_animals/
Tiger Woods Cheated On His Wife For That?!
With all the chatter on TV and the Internet about Tiger Woods crashing his car and possibly cheating on his wife, I felt obligated to write something about it. But since I could care less about that than a monkey flinging poop at someone, I’m going to let Phillip DeFranco from The New Phillip DeFranco Show tell you all about it.
Never again Google, never again
Just when the popular kids were starting to accept me, I let them realize how much I appreciated it and they dropped me like a big dog dropping a steaming pile of shit on a cold winter’s day.
No I’m talking about anybody in particular, it’s worse; I’m talking about an algorithm. I happened to mention that I was number #6 when you Google my name and poof! They moved me to page 5 and then somewhere past page 10. And let’s face it, if you’re past 3 you might as well be one page 1,000,000.
Well never again Google, never again will I confess my love for you out loud. What does your bitch-ass have to say about that?
I know what I’ll do. I’ll call you every name in the book, smack you around a little, treat Ike treated Tina and you’ll come running right back to me I just know it.
We’ll see Google, We’ll see.
And by the way, the reason Douglas Thomas Wallace should be listed at the top of page one on your site is because really, who’s going to Google Douglas Thomas Wallace. The only person who would do that would be Douglas Thomas Wallace himself.
Also Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot should be listed there too, because everyone knows Bob Marley did in fact smoke pot, so Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot, which is the name of this blog, should be listed on page 1 too. In case someone is actually reading this rant, Bob Marley Never Smoked Pot is the title I gave to an essay I wrote when I tried telling my stepdad that Bob Marley never smoked pot…in my defense I was about 13 and didn’t know any better.
Here’s a post with Bob Marley telling talking about his own philosphy on the herb.
Goo-Goo For Google
Without doing much with my new blog, I already reached number #6 when you Google Douglas Thomas Wallace. Then I realized, who in the hell is going to do that? So I’m going to try a different tactic. I’m going to try signing my blog with just Douglas Wallace and see what happens.
What the hell does this have to do with anything, you might be asking? I’m trying an experiment on Search Engine Optimization, not knowing a thing about it. And since no one is reading this right now anyway, it really doesn’t matter.
Douglas Wallace
IT at its finest
This is exactly what it feels like talking to our IS/IT department. Although, if you’re looking at this right now, please forgive me and don’t turn off my computer.
Thanks.
Bloggers could be fined $11000 by the FTC. Is paid speech still free?
Bloggers could be fined $11000 by the FTC.
This excerpt is from an article published by Slate.com, “The FTC put bloggers on notice that they could incur an $11,000 fine if they receive free goods, free services, or money and write about the goods or services without conspicuously disclosing their “material connection” to the provider. The FTC guidelines extend even to Facebook and Twitter posters.”
So is speech that’s paid for still considered free speech? Apparently the FTC doesn’t feel that it’s free if you get paid for it.
I will say, for the record, that I have not been paid by anyone, for anything, on this blog. But if you would like to pay me, for anything, please contact me through this blog. All donations will be given to my wife and our needy child fund.
For the full article from Slate.com please click on the link http://www.slate.com/id/2231808/
Hugh Laurie before he was Dr. House
Long before he was Dr. House, Hugh Laurie played on various comedy shows in England.
I think I like him more as a dark, depressed genius with an American accent better.