21 Things I’ll Miss When I Die
1. My wife
2. My daughter
3. All my other family members
4. Hot dogs
5. Donuts
6. Medium rare steaks, seasoned perfectly
7. BBQ
8. Driving fast on back roads
9. Reading
10. Playing pool
11. Talking to people
12. Watching TV
13. Playing the guitar and ukulele
14. Writing
15. Using my brain
16. Ted Drews Frozen Custard
17. Traveling
18. Seeing friends
19. White Castle late at night
20. Chili in the winter time
21. Last but not least, being alive
R.I.P. Grandpa Gray, who passed the day after Christmas 2010.
Christmas Wrapping
Eating until you’re so full that you feel like you’re going to burst.
Then running from house to house.
Having fun conversations with family members you haven’t seen since the last holiday and regretting that fact that you never can get along with that certain one and probably never will.
Opening one present on Christmas eve, and then waiting until midnight to open the rest.
Watching your kid rip into her presents and be more interested with the wrapping paper than what’s inside the box.
These are the things that make up my Christmas List.
P.S. I have to hear this song at least once a year.
7 Ways to Stick to Your New Year’s Resolution
7. Name it—Write down exactly what you want to do.
I want to lose 40 lbs. Or I want to run a marathon.
6. Give it a deadline—I want to lose 40 lbs. by July. Or I want to run a marathon in August.
5. Review it—Get a Post-it note and hang it some place that you will see it everyday.
4. Seek help—get a coach, a trainer, a partner, a mentor, or anyone else who can help you with whatever goal you have set for yourself. They will help keep you accountable.
3. Small changes = Big Results—You don’t have to make drastic changes right at the beginning. The hardest part is just starting. Slow and steady wins the race.
2. Have Fun—If it’s not, you won’t stick with it.
1. Stop Making Resolutions—If you’ve been making the same resolution for the last 3 or 4 years in a row, consider the fact that you really don’t want to change. (At least not yet.) There may come a time when you’re ready, but it doesn’t have to be January 1st. It’s ok to not torture yourself year after year and start your new year off failing. When you’re ready to achieve whatever goal you want to achieve, you can use the other six ways I have listed to finally obtain that goal.
When I ran my first marathon this year, I gave myself six months to train for it. I couldn’t even run a mile without stopping a couple times when I first set that goal. I wrote down that I wanted to run a marathon on Oct. 3, 2010 on a piece of paper. I left the note on my dresser and I saw it every morning when I got dressed. I saw it laying there again every night when I charged my cell phone.
Once I got to where I could run six miles, I joined a running group and got a coach. Being active just became part of my lifestyle and I lost 37 pounds in six months. But for me, weight loss wasn’t the goal, finishing the marathon was. I crossed the finish line in six hours and fifty minutes, which is very slow, but I finished. And if an overweight guy with Plantar Fasciitis can run (or walk) a marathon using these principles, then I’m sure you can do whatever it is you want to do too. And if you don’t think so, then see Rule #1 and think about it again next year.
Things That Make You Go Hmmm
I’m a sucker for ads that make you think.
Santa’s Little Helper
Last night my wife and I brought my 15-month old daughter to the mall to get her picture taken with Santa. My wife had been hounding me for over a week, so after putting off it as long as I could, I finally said, “We can go on Wednesday night.” Of course I didn’t know that it was going to be freezing rain and slicker than pig snot outside on Wednesday night, but my word is my word, so we piled into the car and headed out to the Temple of Consumerism.
We got lucky when I pulled in the parking garage and found a space right away. We unloaded the stroller and got the girl out of the car, made sure she was bundled up, and headed through the mall toward the chaos.
When we arrived to where Santa was sitting, I was surprised to see that there were only three children standing in line. The freezing rain must have kept everyone at home. But it must have been Bring Your Dog to the Mall Night because there were nine dogs in line to see Santa; six more than children.
There was a 6’ foot 4” man in front of us holding a fat Doberman pinscher by his thick leather collar. His wife, a manly looking woman, was holding a Toto dog on a leash. Toto started getting up in this Black Lab’s business who crept up behind us. Toto was sniffing and smelling the crotch of this Lab while his big brother Dobes sat and watched over his handiwork.
I thought Toto did a fine job, but Dobes looked at him when he was finished and nodded. Toto took that to mean he better sniff again, so he started the whole process over. Meanwhile my kid was getting a very good lesson on exactly what not to do when she meets a boy.
Since when did it become normal to bring your dog to the mall? I know it’s Christmas and you want family pictures, but you shouldn’t bring a dog to the mall unless you’re going to bump into things without one.
I kept looking around for signs that said, “No Dogs Allowed,” but didn’t see one. I wanted to ask one of the not-so-little elves about it, but they seemed like it was just another day at the mall. By the time we got to the front of the line, there were literally a pack of dogs behind us, who were barking away at another pack of dogs that were behind them. Apparently the second group of hounds was trying to butt-in line and the first group wasn’t having it.
Last year our girl did really well with Santa. She smiled right away and we got an awesome picture. This year it was waterworks. She cried as soon as Santa took her out of my hands. I took the girl back from Santa and sat on a little white stool next to him. I placed her on my knee and then I tried to lean backwards as far as I could to stay out of the picture. We never did get a very good one. The picture we settled on you can see her sitting on my knees and my hands are holding her around her waist.
Oh well. Next year I think I’ll just take the dog.
Are You Lost?
“Every 1000 mile journey starts with the first step.” –Asian proverb
The quote above has been used in more motivational books than anyone would care to remember, but it does ring true even today. Even with all the modern conveniences of today, a 1000 mile road trip is still going to be long. You have to plan for it.
You probably should make sure your car is mechanically well taken care of. You’ll want to have your oil changed and check your tires to make sure they can make the trip. You’ll want to make sure you have a jack, just in case. And you’ll definitely want to have a GPS or a map to help you get there too.
Before you take off you’ll go to the gas station and fill’er up. Plus you’ll get some snacks and drinks to take with you before you take off. You’ll use the restroom if you didn’t go at home. You don’t want to forget anything before you start. You want to be as prepared as possible so when you get going you don’t have to stop for anything. You want to go as long as you can without running out of gas.
It’s funny how a person will plan for weeks or even months before they go on a 1000 mile road trip, but they hardly plan at all for their life or their career, or their business. Matter of fact most people let their life and career happen to them. Like a guy driving around lost, too stubborn to ask for directions, they’re lost too and don’t know how to get on track.
The fastest way to achieve something is by setting a goal. Setting a date that you want to accomplish your goal by is very important. This makes your mind work toward that time frame. It’s ok to set your goals high, just make sure you give yourself enough time to achieve them. Tony Robbins once said, “People overestimate what they can do in a year, but severely underestimate what they can do in ten.”
Speaking of Tony Robbins, one way a person can get back on the road to a successful, fulfilling life, is by using a coach. There are coaches in almost every field these days. Whether you’re trying to learn about marketing your business more effectively, or trying to finish that manuscript, coaching is just one way to help you get your life or your passion back on track. They also will take your game to the next level. Almost every successful person you’ll ever see or read about has almost always had a good coach or mentor.
In the old days (10-20 years ago) coaches used to be called mentors. The good thing about mentors is they are usually free. Besides not paying them, the main difference between a mentor and a coach is the relationship. Mentors usually have more of a personal relationship with their protégés. Coaches on the other hand are usually about results.
If you need help with your business, there are many organizations willing to help you, often for free.
SBA
The Small Business Administration is one of the best resources for potential small business owners. This government agency helps entrepreneurs with business plans, obtains financing through guaranteed loans, and can also help obtain equipment.
The SBA has several different workshops to help with start-ups and can provide you with all the necessary forms you will need to start your business. Every major city in the United States has an SBA office. Look them up on the Internet or the phone book to make an appointment to go see them.
Chamber of Commerce
Like the SBA your local Chamber of Commerce is there to help you set up your business. They are usually more aware of particular things going on in the community that they operate in than the SBA. Because of this, you should consult them when you chose a location to set your business up in.
Your local Chamber of Commerce will undoubtedly be able to help you with the necessary forms and tell you what restrictions there are in that area in regards to your business. It is also a great place to network. Most of the times there will be other local business owners and local politicians at the meetings. This will help you get a feel for how businesses are doing in the area you are looking at.
SCORE
The Service Corp of Retired Executives is part of a national non-profit association dedicated to entrepreneur education and the formation, growth and success of the nation’s small business. SCORE volunteers serve as “Counselors to America’s Small Business.” These counselors have years of experience and want to give back to their community. They have a wealth of knowledge and contacts in particular fields.
I have spent many hours talking with SCORE counselors and highly recommend using them. Many times they work out of the SBA office. To find where a SCORE Counselor is in your area look them up at score.org or consult the phone book. It is recommended that you make an appointment, although many time walk-ins are welcomed.
Remember, “Every 1000 mile journey starts with the first step,” but today you can do it in a comfortable car, with a GPS, and person who’s been there, sitting by your side the whole way. All you have to do is ask someone for help.
Deliberate Practice and the 10000 Hour Rule
Do you think you’ve got enough talent to be considered great? Well if you have 10 years to practice then you can be great at what ever you want. What we think of as talent is basically a myth. Researchers say it takes at least 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to become great at something.
There’s no substitute for hard work. We’ve always heard, “Practice makes perfect.” But as my World Champion billiard teacher Harry Simms used to say, “Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect play.” This concept of deliberate practice is the main difference of what makes a person “good” at something versus what it takes to make someone “Great.”
I want to be a world-class writer someday. I read this article and thought this would be interesting to write about.
http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2006/10/30/8391794/index.htm
Another author who has the 10,000 Hour Rule outlined better than anyone is Malcolm Gladwell. His book Outliers explains this concept in detail if you’re interested.
But just know this, it’s not just the 10,000 Hour Rule that makes someone great.
Knowing what you want, and sticking to that idea, is just two of the traits that makes someone great. Remember, you can be anything you want to be. It just might take a few years longer than you would like.
All Marketers Are Liars
All marketers tell stories, not lies. Lies are too harsh of a word, but basically that’s what the stories are.
Seth Godin, a top marketing guru, explains how any organization, from Porsche to Pat Roberts, has framed a story that a slice of the world community buys into in order to sell their products. These organizations are not sitting behind a desk scheming on how to take over the world with insincere plots. These guys really believe in their product and their own story.
The VW Touareg costs $35,000 and according to Godin, is practically the same car as the Porsche Cayenne. Does it matter that the two cars are made in the same place and that the Porsche costs $45,000 more? Not to Porsche people.
People who buy into the Porsche story aren’t buying into the VW story. They don’t even want to hear about it. It doesn’t matter to them that the only true difference is a different ornament on the hood. The same is true for Toyota and Lexus people. They don’t want to be reminded that a Lexus is actually an overpriced Toyota.
How does a Riedel wine glass make your wine taste any better than a “regular” wine glass? The chemical make up of glass is exactly the same whether it’s a $2.00 glass or a $20.00 glass. But somehow we are led to believe that a Riedel glass is the best possible wine glass we can drink from. If you believe this, it’s because you buy into the story that Riedel has laid out—Wine tastes better from our glasses because we sculpt a glass around the character of the wine.
You wouldn’t be at fault for believing Riedel’s story. Even the industry’s top “expert” Robert Parker buys into the story.
“The finest glasses for both technical and hedonistic purposes are those made by Riedel. The effect of these glasses on fine wine is profound. I cannot emphasize enough what a difference they make.” (Quelle: Robert M. Parker, Jr. The Wine Advocate)
Remember, gurus are self-constructed. They yell their story as loud as they can, for as long as they can, and eventually people start believing what they say is true. Gurus are master story tellers—Parker and Godin included.
Everything in marketing is how you frame your story. Is it believable? If you’re a marketer, do you believe in your own story? Because if not, Godin believes that the public will see right through you. Maybe not right away, but once the public realizes they’ve been had, your company will wash right down the drain. So if you decide you have something you want to sell, make sure that you buy into your own B.S.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
How to Pick Up Chicks—The Machiavellian Way
Guys if you haven’t been able to get a girl in a while then you are obviously going about it the wrong way; and by that, I mean, you’re probably telling the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God. Although the Bible said, “The truth shall set you free,” that was a long time ago and doesn’t necessarily work in today’s world.
Remember you can be anything you want the first time someone meets you. It’s only after they’ve known you for a while that the truth comes out. So if you just want to have some fun for a night, or a possibly a weekend, try out one of these tricks to get you some. I guarantee you’ll be making the Oh-Face by the morning.
If you’re a lady reading this, just be aware there are guys out that are using better lines than, “Did it hurt when you fell? Because you look like a star that fell from heaven,” bullshit that some guys try to use.
There are Machiavellian guys out there who would love to use the, “Do you use Windex to wash your clothes? Because I can see myself in your pants,” line. But they know full-well they can’t get away with these corny lines anymore. And whether you know it or not, the more genuine they seem to be, the more likely these guys are just using a better line than you’re used to.
One of these stories I have actually used. And although it was stumbled onto accidentally, it was the inspiration that led me to think of these others later. I’m not good at writing riddles, so let me tell you my friend, if you read real close, you’ll find out which one it was at the end.
A. Go to Lowe’s or The Home Depot and find the best looking girl who works there. Yes, there are some hotties working at either one of these two stores somewhere in your town. Look around until you find at least a 6.5 on your 1-10 scale, you’ll know her when you see her. Besides, that you’re not trying to marry her, you’re trying to get laid.
Go up and tell her, “I’m looking for a hammer. See, I start volunteering for Habitat for Humanity tomorrow and I’m supposed to bring a hammer. I really don’t know much about building anything. Matter of fact I don’t know anything about building anything. But I feel I could learn, you know, to help someone who’s less fortunate than me?”
“I feel lucky just to have a roof over my head and I feel it’s my responsibility to lend a hand to those in need. Know what I mean?” And go from there. If you don’t have her escorting you to the hammer section in a little beeping blue or orange golf cart within 15 seconds of telling her this, there’s no hope for you and you can stop reading right now.
B. If you don’t think the hardware store is the best place to pick up a good looking girl, then how about a department store? Go into an upscale place like Nieman Marcus or Macy’s and go check out the men’s cologne area. Usually they will have at least one, if not several, really hot girls working there.
Tell the girl, “Hi. This is going to sound really weird, but I work at an Orphanage and one of my boys named Timmy had a small sample bottle of Armani cologne. Well, I guess one of the other kids got jealous and stole it from him, and Timmy started crying and carrying on. It was a real mess. I can’t afford to buy him a whole bottle, but do you think I could have a few samples?”
If that lady isn’t filling up a whole bag of cologne then she has abandonment issues and you don’t want her anyway. But if she takes the bait then it is your job to ask her out for some drinks. Believe me, a person who works in retail probably will be ready for a drink after work, especially during the holiday season.
C. You see women walking their dog’s everyday. The next time you see a little cutie walking her dog, try to position yourself so that she’ll have to walk right past you. Then you can say, “Oh what a good looking dog.” Then bend down and talk baby talk to it while rubbing both sides of the dog’s head right behind the ears. Then say, “Oh what a good looking doggy-woggy.” Don’t worry, the owner does this too and it won’t seem the least bit strange to them.
Then say, “You know when I use to volunteer at the Animal Shelter, I used to walk the dogs every other day. I had to give it up because the non-profit shelter couldn’t raise enough money to feed all the poor guys we’d get it. Everyone was so stretched for money when Katrina hit and everything. Then they just kept coming and coming and there wasn’t enough money for food. So we ended up having to give them to the Humane Society. Man I really miss being around dogs,” Then stare off into space like your lost for five seconds, then shake your head and say, “I’m sorry, kinda went off on a tangent there. What’s his name?”
First of all, if you don’t own a dog, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask a dog owner what the name of their dog is before you ask for their name. Most of the time people don’t even get that far in the conversation where they want to know you’re name, but yet they don’t mind stopping you to ask what your dogs name is. Weird. Anyway, the second thing to remember is that dog owners always call their dogs by their sex—not “it”. For instance, “Her name is Daisy.” Or “He is a Bull Mastiff.” So if you can’t tell, ask.
Now that you’ve got the mindset of a dog owner, you then can start asking about her. She’ll already be on your side and you pose no threat. You were a volunteer at the animal shelter for God’s sake. What kind of dog lover wouldn’t love that? Only one whose dog has rabies, that’s who.
D. And for the final Chicker-Picker-Upper, we can’t forget about the single moms. What? There are some hot looking single moms. You want to look for moms who are walking around with a kid in one hand and no ring on the other.
Now this type of woman can be as protective of her kid as an 800 pound gorilla, but she’s also the type that puts out and the proof is usually sitting right next to her.
That is where you use your Machiavellian tricks against her. You make the kid the focus by saying, “Ahhh, what a cute little baby. You know I’ve been looking into adopting one myself. I’m taking a few parenting classes that the adoption people make you take. But I’m on the list for one from Korea. Did you know you don’t even have to be married these days to do it? Thank goodness for that. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but it just so hard to find someone stable enough to be parent these days. Know what I mean?” And with that you should be having MILF for dinner.
But now I’ve come to the end of Machiavellian ways, and if you want a girl you better not behave. The answer to my riddle may be revealed, in the previous sentence, that I have spelled. And if you still need a hint, it’s the first letter that spells bent. And for the record, I really was working there.
Jaya
Imagine the World’s smallest dwarf that’s in the Guinness Book of World’s Records, add an inch, and that’s how tall Jaya is. I know you shouldn’t make fun of people’s height, but I can’t help but to laugh when she’s on her tippy-toes trying to grab the car keys or a cell phone off the night stand that’s in our living room, and no matter what she does or how hard she tries, she just can’t get them. So she turns and looks at me with those big-brown eyes, tears welling up because some inconsiderate a-hole, meaning me, has tossed them up there haphazardly and they’re mere centimeters from her reach and now she’s looking at me for help. So I get up from my blue Lazy-Boy, make the journey of three steps, which would take her ten, and I push the items even further away.
She looks up at me in shock and disgust as I spin on my heals and walk back to the Lazy-boy. I then fling out the foot rest and I prop my legs up and get back to my newest episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
Arrrggghhhhhh! she screams as her face turns beet-red and then she hobbles into the kitchen to get her stool. But once she get there she doesn’t actually move the stool, she just looks at it and seems to drift into thoughts of what she would do if she was bigger. She puts her finger on the top step and runs it back-and-forth as if she’s stroking the potential power of being tall.
Jaya often falls when she walks. She usually gets back up, but sometimes she sits there and seems to think about it, like, Maybe if I use these little arms to balance me…,but then a piece of dirt or food on the floor catches her attention and she looks to see if I see her grabbing at it, which of course I do, but I immediately turn my head away but still side-eye her as I see the look in her eye that says, Hey slob! You know I can’t vacuum this floor myself or I otherwise I would. Come on! But since she doesn’t actually say anything, I do nothing about the situation.
Sometimes Jaya smells like poop. What kind of person doesn’t notice that smell? I know it’s her little arms and lack of motor skills that doesn’t allow her to wipe her own ass, but I can’t help to ask, “Did you poop or something?” I already know the answer without her answering, so I go and turn on the bath water for her and take her to her changing table and even though I know what little treasure’s waiting for me, I can’t help but say, “Ewwwwww! Stinky-butt!” And as she’s laying there patiently waiting for me to fix this little problem, I can’t help but laugh when I take off her diaper and she chirps like a little song bird and says, “Hi! Hi Da-da! Hi-bye!”